A Comedy about Dating, Sex, and Romance in NYC (back when phones weren't so smart)

On the Degradation of Musical Culture and the Eventual Self-Destruction of the Human Species

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“In the 1950s, Jazz was considered this sexually subversive musical revolution. But by today’s standards, the lyrics couldn’t seem more innocent.”

“Very true.”

“When we were in college the top musical hits were about sodomizing your sister’s best friend. And it only gets worse each year. Just look at 2 Live Crew’s lyrics. So when we go to our 20-year college reunions, that’s what we’ll all be singing about – sodomizing our sister’s best friend – as we do the white man’s shuffle in front of our old college sweetheart, or try to network with our various classmates.”

“So?”

“So what do you mean, ‘so?’”

“So hip-hop proved that you can get people to chant really obscene things if you just give them a good rhythm to chant to…So what?”

“How can you say ‘so what’ about that?”

“Evan, at the end of the day, it doesn’t make us who we are. It’s just music. It just reflects who we are.”

“Just music? Reflecting who we are? Our oldies are going to be about sodomizing your sister’s best friend for God’s sake! If that’s what our oldies are, can you imagine what they’ll be singing about 50 years from now? What’s left to get explicit about?”

“I’m sure they’ll come up with something.”

“That’s what scares me. I mean, if it’s just music reflecting who we are, then who the hell are we? What are we becoming as a species, Sammy?”

“A bunch of psychotically violent, sex-crazed automatons with advanced technology to help us finish the job of global self-destruction,” Heeb replied.

“Great…I thought you were a half-full-glass kind of guy.”

“I am. I give us another 80 years before we self-destruct as a species.”

“So what would be half empty?”

“Half empty would be estimating only 40 years before we self-destruct.”

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